Who is God Babe?

And why is he living in my house?

Now I need to have a philisophical moment here. This is the season of Winter Solstice, the birth of Jesus, the Jewish Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and an assortment of other holiday celebrations to include St. Nicolas's Day, the Twelth Day of Christmas, and my personal favorite, the Christmas Eve feast. Now, all of these holidays include the giving of gifts (thank you everyone for all the lovely dog treats and cookies that I have received!), lots of food (just drop a little of that Kielbasa on the floor and everyone will be happy!), and honoring some important person or deity that has meaning to each individual's daily life.

Imagine my suprise when I found out that I was not the deity of celebration in this household. The Felines tell me that they hold their own private celebration of Bast around Halloween (this is the holiday where I am crated because it appears that I drive everyone crazy by telling them that the doorbell is ringing and I attempt to protect the candy from being taken by hordes of small children. It is not a good Shiba Holiday) and for that Christmas, they just prefer to eat alot of catnip and chew the ribbons off the presents, ignoring the noise and frivolity of every individual involved.

So, as I ponder this holiday month of spirituality and consumerism, I wonder who is this diety to which the Woman keeps refering. Over and over throughout the year, I hear statements such as:

"God Babe, how did you do that?" (obviously a miracle was performed).

"God Babe, what were you thinking?" (obviously an attempt at understand omnipotence)

"God Babe, you want me to do what?" (obviously a challenge of religious obedience)

So I look around for this Babe of God of which The Woman keeps refering. I see no signs of deities (despite what The Felines claim) sans myself and I know that she is not referring to me because my miracles are more mundane, she knows I am omnipotent, and she is unquestionably obedient to my needs.

That leaves one other individual who could be "God Babe."

The Man.

And his birthday is December 21st. Kinda near this holiday on December 25th when another baby was born. I am now suspicious of him, and his potential challenge to the heirarchy of importance within the household.

So everytime he sits on the couch, I now stare at him intently, wondering, does he truly possess the powers of a God? Is he an incarnate of some forgotten deity to whom The Woman refers?

I start my research. I post messages on the neighborhood internet and finally, find my answer on the tree of the house that has the largest Saint Benard the World has ever known. I see that my assessment is correct as The Man, The Woman, and I are watching Pirates of the Carribean.

The Man is obviously the reincarnation of Cthulhu. Who else could he be? As I am the deity of everything good and fuzzy of this world, he must represent all that is evil and slimy. And The Woman, oh the poor Woman, she is confused- torn between worshipping the Golden God or the Creature of the Black Lagoon.

So, as the year comes to its closing, I resolve to lead The Woman back into the Light and away from the corrupt, evil being who is attempting to take her slavish obedience away from me. I shall begin my contemplation of the takeover after my afternoon nap.


I Am Shiba. There Shall Be No Other Gods Before Me.