I Am Shiba.

Dedicated to momentary thoughts and musings of A Shiba Inu.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Part 3- The Conclusion of Shiba Torture

It was a toss-up. There are several more things that I find torturous that exist within the household, however, I was able to narrow the remaining to three:

1. The Door Bell. If I wanted my peace disturbed, I would press the doorbell myself. However, if you want entrance into the household, why do you insist upon pressing a button that rings all the way down the hall when I already know that you are at the door and have started to announce to the family that you are somewhere near our front yard? The doorbell causes me to have to run down the hall to bark at the noise, and then I have to run to the door to see who is there because by this time, either That Guy or The Woman have finally made it to the Front Door. The process takes forever and is not very efficient. I recommend that The People just open the door every time I bark.

2. The MailMan. He walks up and makes noise on the front porch. I am proud to say that I am able to scare him off each time he arrives. He finds me amusing. I find him a threat to my sanctuary.

3. The Smoke Detector/Carbon Monoxide Detector/Fire Alarm. Because That Guy just loves new Gizmos, he purchased some type of super deluxe wi-fi inter-connected system that if something happens downstairs or in another room, the alarm goes off everywhere in the house. And then, there is that voice. There is a voice telling us to either call the Fire Department or leave the house or open a window. All I know is that there has been some kind of intruder alert occurring and it is my job to find that intruder and that voice is like in 3 rooms, and OMG, I just can't take it! I end up running from room to room trying to find the intruder with no success.

And That Guy tests this thing weekly. Even The Woman thinks that this is a tad excessive.

However, the ultimate winner of the third and final category on How to Torture Your Shiba is:

The DustBuster.

This thing is so evil that I get all choked up whenever it is presented anywhere near me.

I am not bothered by the vacuum cleaner. That is merely an efficient way of ensuring that the cat is nowhere to be seen for several hours. But this DustBuster makes a high whirring noise and moves along the floor, scooping up the dust bunnies and all the mislaid bread crumbs. On several occasions, I have tried to kill it. So instead now, whenever The People decide that they are going to use it, they show it to me first, and I attempt to establish my dominance over such a simple mechanical object.

It never works. The machine simply has no respect for all that is Shiba.

In Summary, while there are numerous ways to torture your Shiba, there are three highly effective methods to ensure that our co-habitation with your household is not a pleasant experience:

1. The Slow Cooker (The Woman made ribs last night. Ribs. Slow cooked Ribs. It took 9 hours for them to cook. 9 hours! All day, that smell from the kitchen. It was horrible!)

2. The Mustang (comfortable long trip exploration driving) vs. the Aveo (short term psychotic driving around town with shrubberies on my seat). I don't believe that this needs further explanation.

and Finally:

3. The DustBuster. The ultimate of evil contraptions which zips around the house, just begging to be chased and then makes funny noises and blows air on my face, scaring me. At least the vacuum gets rid of the Feline; this device was obviously created to get rid of Your Shiba.

I Am Shiba. I Get No Respect.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

poor Shiba !!!!
you are a martyr....
rebel yourself!!!!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

it was great'ma

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