I Am Shiba.

Dedicated to momentary thoughts and musings of A Shiba Inu.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


Tonight I shall sit in my crate, meditate, and read from the Tibetan Book of the Dead:

Hey, immortal one, you who was called Cuja! The time has come for you to find your path in the reality of the spirit. Your physical breath has stopped; the perfect clear light of the Infinite Potential of the first phase of your transition into the spiritual reality has begun to manifest. Your physical breath has stopped and you begin to experience the spirit reality; barren and void like space. Your immortal, infinite spiritual awareness begins to awaken, clear and empty; perceiving no horizon or center. You must immediately recognize this void as yourself. You must stay centered within this experience.

I shall let The Woman make the posting for tonight.


This is my favorite picture of Cuja. She is alert, aware, and in control of everything around her. In this picture, she is supervising our move from our last apartment to our new house. She was not about to let any decision be made without her approval.

Cuja was born March 25, 1997, the year I got divorced from my first husband. She was a gift from a co-worker who basically told me, "it will take her about three years to settle down, and then she will be a good cat."

His assessment was 100% accurate.

Cuja was always an active, opinionated, intelligent, argumentative feline. She was not a cat who wanted to sit on your lap and purr. She was a one person cat, and I was that person. Over the years that we shared, Jean-Luc and her worked out several truces which she in turn nullified. Filou was added to the family to give her a friend, and ended up being her punching bag. And when Cortez entered the household, all out war was declared to where we physically had to keep her and him separated to avoid bloodshed.

Cuja was unafraid but seldom happy. She was an Alaskan cat, and to be taken to Belgium and then confined to hotel rooms and small apartments was very difficult for her. The moving to the house finally gave her some freedom, but the inability of her and Cortez to work out their difficulties affected her freedom, and forced her away from the person she loved and needed to protect.

I always felt guilty about taking her from Alaska. Born and bred to be a village cat, she was never meant to be confined behind walls but whether it was selfishness or purpose, our lives were intertwined and our friendship kept us together.

As time progressed, Cuja became more and more frustrated with her position in the household. Having been demoted from ruler supreme, she increasingly become more hostile to everyone around her. Finally, toward the end of this winter, Cuja started to lose her sense of self, and became almost delusional with her fear and aggressive behavior.

I was in denial. I still saw the cat that I loved but only for small increments of time. She was becoming too distracted to even desire my attentions, preferring to hide and meow from corners of the house. Sometimes, I would see the cat that I loved, purry, attentive, remaining close, talkative, inquisitive- but as March came upon us, these moments became few and far between.

It was like she lost her sense of self, and resorted back to a feral cat, fed by instinct and fear.

It was Monday April 9th, that Jean-Luc and I discussed our options. No longer was she responding to our voices or seeking our attentions. She had crossed the abyss. It was with a sad heart that I decided to lead her into the spirit world, and allowed her to cross over into her next life. We spent the night and the afternoon together, and she was almost like the cat that I loved so deeply within my soul, but I knew that this was only an illusion.

Her spirit needed to be set free.

So on Tuesday, April 10th, I did just that. I stayed with her, comforted her, reminded her how much we had experienced together, told her that I loved her, and told her how guilty I felt for taking her from Alaska, that it was selfishness on my part to take her from the land to which she was bound and force her to live a life for which she was perpetually discontented.

And I stayed with her until I knew she was no longer moving. Wrapping her in a clean white towel, I left her as so she might be cremeted, and I will spread her ashes among the wildflowers of summer. She always loved eating flowers. It just feels right to let her enjoy them before she travels onward.

Cuja was not a cat for the feint of heart. She was determined to be heard and always had the last word about anything regarding our household and how things should be done. But her downfall was that she was never able to compromise on any situation, and if she had been able to make a few allowances regarding changes in our lives, things might have turned out differently.

But I doubt that. Cuja's charm was her unique personality, and with that, came all the pros and cons.

But I shall miss her rancorous personality and her talkative nature. And it is with that, I say Adieu to my good feline friend, and hope that our paths will cross again, either in this life or the next.

I Am The Women. It Is With Heavy Heart, That I Write These Words.


Blogger Mom Anne-Marie said...

goodbye Cuja
I'll miss you
you was a wonderful cat

12:19 PM  

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