The Fame We Deserve

I have always found Land's End and L.L.Bean catalogs irritating. All those Labrador and Golden Retriever dogs and puppies demonstrating how the quality of products and clothing as so outdoorsy, that you just want to go out and beat up a few ducks (or at least chase them, chasing them is kinda fun too!) But I will bet you that any of the dogs used by these catalog have never been bitten by a flea, let alone seen one.

But in comes this company:

http://www.canineauto.com/

Finally, someone see the advantage of using Shibas in Advertising. We know how to ride in cars. In fact, we know how to tell our people how to drive to particular destinations that we enjoy. But safety issues aside, we know how to make any product just look good.


Aren't you ready to rush right out and purchase one of these just because The Shiba looks so darn good?

I Hope that The People don't think that Belle and I are going to need one of these! This kind of close contact might be disturbing. People may believe that I actually like her or something.


Now this is something that I could definitely "get in to." (Shiba pun, I can be so funny sometimes).



All these fabulous products modeled by dogs who truly understand the meaning of utility, car rides, and "if you leave me behind, I will destroy every television remote in your house faster than I can eat a bully stick."


I Am Shiba. We Are Photogenic.

How I Am Mistreated

So it is looking more official that "Belle" will be moving into our household around April 20th. All persons involved have been corresponding back and forth, discussing everything from what thickness of blanket she requires to her ability to perform a constitutional on demand (she is *such* a show off!)

Just look at this excerpt from one of the letters:

"Belle does great on just about any food. Just make sure she doesn't get
too much as she will put on weight very quickly. She is very polite
about bones (if you take one away from her she just watches you
quizzically (waiting for you to hand it back to her)). She does not
"guard" anything (food, toys, attention) from people HOWEVER she will
zealously guard just about ANYTHING from other animals. If she had a
bone and Cortez or one of your cats tried to take it from her, she'd
probably attack and show no mercy. I would recommend feeding the dogs
separately (Belle is used to eating in her crate), and allowing them to
have treats only when one of you is there to supervise (ie, don't leave
the dogs together unattended if they have pig ears or greenies, etc).
She regularly eats chicken, turkey, beef, lamb, tripe, fish (salmon,
mackerel, and tuna), eggs, duck, rabbit, yogurt and all sorts of veggies
with no issues. The only product I avoid with her is "Performance Dog
Blend" (made by Oma's Pride) - it's a high calorie, very high protein
beef/tripe/trachea mix with added vitamins specifically designed to
boost a dog's energy level and it seems to give Belle the shakes and
jitters (like someone who's had too much caffeine). I also don't ever
feed corn to any of my dogs because so many Shibas have allergies to
it. Until a couple years ago, my dogs (Belle included) regularly ate
Innova EVO (made by the same company as Cal Nat) whenever we traveled,
and as a young dog (for the first couple years of her life) Belle ate
California Natural, so I'm sure she'd do fine on it. "

I am 8 years old and still eating California Natural! Obviously, I should have been moved up to higher quality stuff ages ago but These People I live with obviously never got That Memo.



I Am Shiba. Things are Going to Start Changing Around Here *Before* Belle Arrives.

Cortez and The Lord of the Rings

Cortez: okay, let me get this straight. I am supposed to join a group of Hobbits and escort them to Rivendell to meet Elrond. Okay, that is cool. I like hiking.

* * *

Cortez at the Shire.

Omg, they serve second breakfast here! I am so in!

* * *

What do you mean we have to leave the Shire, Gandalf? They have second breakfast here!

* * *

Cortez in Bree.

This guy smells like he rolled in squirrels. He's cool. I say, let's bring him along!

Oh, I am sorry but there appears to be some miscommunication. I don't carry a pack. Get a pony!

* * *

Cortez on Weathertop.

Ummm, hello! I am trying to sleep here! Oh man, where the heck did Frodo go now? That Squirrel-smelling Guy always gets so pissed when we lose Frodo.

* * *

Cortez in Rivendell

Nice place you got here, Elrond. I will take your bed to sleep in- oh yes, Arwen, scratch my belly- it's okay.

* * *

Cortez crosses the Mountains.

HELLO! I am getting snow inbetween my toes!

* * *

Cortez enters Moria.

HELLO! It's dark in here!

* * *

Cortez finds Lothlorien.

Nice place. Lots of trees. Got any squirrels?

Cool Mirror of water you got here. Excuse me for a second while I grab a drink.

* * *

Cortez in Fangorn.

I can pee here. I can pee here. I can pee here. Wait a sec . . . why are all these trees following me???

* * *

Cortez meets Saruman.

You are a bad man. Oh Cool, a stash of Hobbit potatoes. Could you cook these up for me? I like them fried in butter.

* * *

Cortez goes to Rohan.

This place smells funny. I don't like it.

* * *

Cortez fights in Helm's Deep.

You think your bad-ass? You orcs still use peepads at your wizard's door! Yea, and your mamas still use pee pads too! Yea, you run away! I kicked your butt before Gandalf got here!

* * *

Cortez arrives at Minas Tirth.

The only tree to pee on is Dead? I am supposed to pee on a dead tree? Oh, that is so wrong.

* * *

Cortez meets a Nazgul.

Yea, and your mama uses a pee pad too!

Nazgul: No man can kill me!

Ha! Not only am I not a man! I am Shiba and I am neutered! I bite your ankle and make you fall flat on your face! Now, send that Oliphant over here, and I will take him too!

Legolas is such a show off . . .

* * *

Cortez at the Gates of Mordor.

Hmmm. I smell hobbits. Better follow them. I could use a second breakfast.

* * *

Cortez at Mount Doom.

Allow me to explain the following. The Shire is Mine. Weathertop is Mine. Rivendell is Mine. The Mountains are Mine. Moria is Mine. Lothlorion is Mine. Rohan is Mine. Minas Tirth is Mine. Mordor is Mine. Ummm, I think that Ring is Mine too.

<>

Well, that was stupid. You dropped it in the lava. You got any other toys to play with?

No?

Got any treats?

No?

What the heck are we doing here!!??!!

The Conclusion:

The Shiba moves back to the Shire after helping to cleanse the area of all corruption, and establishes the essence of all that is Shiba. The Tree? It is His. Bag End? It is his. Frodo gave it to him when he went West.

Cortez:

Wait! There is a Road Trip and I can't go? NOT FAIR!!!!



I Am Shiba. Tolkien Needed More Shibas, Less Cats.

Wait A minute . . . !

So, I am ready for a Road Trip. This means comfortable riding in the Mustang. Imagine my surprise when I find out the reason behind the Road Trip.


Excuse me?


The People are considering allowing another Shiba into our home. Full-Time!

Yesterday's road trip took us to the scenic town of Manchester, New Hampshire (2 and 1/2 hours of traveling to see a town as with the same name as ours?) We arrive at a place that immediately causes me to Code Red.

It is a kennel.

We drove 2 and 1/2 hours to take me to a city with the same name as where I live to put me in a kennel? Oh, this is not amusing at all! I panic. I wait for the moment when The Woman uses the restroom; I attempt my escape when The Woman takes her turn, but alas, there were other dog people around and they knew enough not to let a Shiba out the door.

Damn them!

But after a bit, we move into the back of the kennel, and its not a kennel but rather an agility trial.



(if you look closely in the upper center of this picture, you can see Belle's tail as she moves through the jumps. That Guy got yelled at for using a Flash. It appears that one of the rules of Agility Trials is no flash cameras. Fortunately, we were neither shunned nor arrested on the spot).

I know about these Shows. This is where people come and adore me. This is good. Code Red decreased to Code Green within seconds.

I allow myself to mingle among the masses.


So after a few minutes, we are introduced to the Agility People and Their Agility Pack.


One particular dog, Belle (upper right top), is being considered as a possibility for moving into our household so that she can keep That Guy company in his basement while I guard The Woman upstairs. Okay, this has possibilities. At least she won't be using my food bowl and lying in all the best spots in the house.

What do you mean she is allowed on the couch? I am not allowed on the couch!

So Belle and I got to meet and greet. We both ignored each other with a cautious eye always turned. All The People said that this is a good thing because we a). did not bark, growl or attempt to kill one another on sight, and b). did not bark, growl, or attempt to kill one another on sight. We were even loose together in the same pen and did not bark, growl or attempt to kill one another on sight.

I thought I was being a gentleman. Turns out, being polite means that in April, Belle may be venturing down to our house to spend a week to see if everyone can get along, and I can learn to share my space. Well, as long as she does not touch my squeeky toy Squirrel, everything should be fine.

It is my squeeky toy squirrel! She will have to get her own squeeky toy squirrel if she wants one.




I Am Shiba. I Am Going to Have to Learn to Share. Yuck.

Suspicious

The People are very excited.

They tell me we are taking a road trip tomorrow.

I am suspicious.

They seem too excited about this . . .



I Am Shiba. Trust No One.

Part 3- The Conclusion of Shiba Torture

It was a toss-up. There are several more things that I find torturous that exist within the household, however, I was able to narrow the remaining to three:

1. The Door Bell. If I wanted my peace disturbed, I would press the doorbell myself. However, if you want entrance into the household, why do you insist upon pressing a button that rings all the way down the hall when I already know that you are at the door and have started to announce to the family that you are somewhere near our front yard? The doorbell causes me to have to run down the hall to bark at the noise, and then I have to run to the door to see who is there because by this time, either That Guy or The Woman have finally made it to the Front Door. The process takes forever and is not very efficient. I recommend that The People just open the door every time I bark.

2. The MailMan. He walks up and makes noise on the front porch. I am proud to say that I am able to scare him off each time he arrives. He finds me amusing. I find him a threat to my sanctuary.

3. The Smoke Detector/Carbon Monoxide Detector/Fire Alarm. Because That Guy just loves new Gizmos, he purchased some type of super deluxe wi-fi inter-connected system that if something happens downstairs or in another room, the alarm goes off everywhere in the house. And then, there is that voice. There is a voice telling us to either call the Fire Department or leave the house or open a window. All I know is that there has been some kind of intruder alert occurring and it is my job to find that intruder and that voice is like in 3 rooms, and OMG, I just can't take it! I end up running from room to room trying to find the intruder with no success.

And That Guy tests this thing weekly. Even The Woman thinks that this is a tad excessive.

However, the ultimate winner of the third and final category on How to Torture Your Shiba is:

The DustBuster.



This thing is so evil that I get all choked up whenever it is presented anywhere near me.

I am not bothered by the vacuum cleaner. That is merely an efficient way of ensuring that the cat is nowhere to be seen for several hours. But this DustBuster makes a high whirring noise and moves along the floor, scooping up the dust bunnies and all the mislaid bread crumbs. On several occasions, I have tried to kill it. So instead now, whenever The People decide that they are going to use it, they show it to me first, and I attempt to establish my dominance over such a simple mechanical object.

It never works. The machine simply has no respect for all that is Shiba.



In Summary, while there are numerous ways to torture your Shiba, there are three highly effective methods to ensure that our co-habitation with your household is not a pleasant experience:

1. The Slow Cooker (The Woman made ribs last night. Ribs. Slow cooked Ribs. It took 9 hours for them to cook. 9 hours! All day, that smell from the kitchen. It was horrible!)

2. The Mustang (comfortable long trip exploration driving) vs. the Aveo (short term psychotic driving around town with shrubberies on my seat). I don't believe that this needs further explanation.

and Finally:

3. The DustBuster. The ultimate of evil contraptions which zips around the house, just begging to be chased and then makes funny noises and blows air on my face, scaring me. At least the vacuum gets rid of the Feline; this device was obviously created to get rid of Your Shiba.



I Am Shiba. I Get No Respect.

First, A Few Pictures

Lately These People have been having some fun with their digital camera. I thought I would include a few pictures that demonstrate my magnificence.


I photograph so well, don't I?

The picture below is of That Guy after he sprayed his hair gray for a party. Of course, I had to include myself because no picture is complete without a Shiba.



This is The Woman's latest addition to her stuffed animal collection.

This stuffed animal is actually bigger than me!

This last picture, The Woman found on http://ihasahotdog.com/ . She seems to think it sums up what it means to be a therapy dog.





I Am Shiba. I Am A Pet, A Guardian, A Friend and A Comfort.